Hello You lovely people,
As always I hope this finds you and yours well and happy.
There's been a lot happen that I haven't been able to tell you about. As you know we lost Papa and had to observe the 7days, but that's another story for another time.
However I do think that E and I will be spending a fair amount of time in France in the months to come. Mama is so obviously at a loss after 47 yrs of marriage and we feel a need to cocoon her a bit and help her find a way through the loss of Papa, her life long partner and friend.
Although in all honesty, neither of us can even begin to know where to start to help her as neither of us will ever experience 50yrs of our life with one partner, sharing all the ups and downs of life and raising the kids and just waking up every day to some one who is so totally on your side.
I always think how wonderful it must be to have spent your life with your best friend and lover all rolled into one. It always makes my heart flip when you see older couples holding hands or just the way they can sit so comfortable in silence with each other. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to loose that person.
It's funny really while I have a very ambivalent and distant relationship with our friend God and religion drives me nuts at times, mostly because it tells me, a woman, that I am not equal to a man and tries to shove me into a box marked "How a woman should behave" ie subservient a man...but don't get me started on that or we could be here all day. There are times when being Jewish is rather a comfort.
Judaism provides a beautiful, structured approach to mourning that involves three stages. When followed carefully, these stages guide mourners through the tragic loss and pain and gradually ease them back into the world. One mourner said her journey through the stages of mourning was like being in a cocoon. At first she felt numb and not perceptively alive, yet gradually she emerged as a butterfly ready again to fly.
The loss is forever, but the psychological, emotional, and spiritual healing that takes place at every stage is necessary and healthy, somehow I need to find away to give this to E and her Mama, as without doubt it has always got me through.
Hey look at me admitting that I do actually do religion from time to time. I'm like a bad Catholic that only goes to church and confession once a year at Christmas. I know all the prayers, rituals, traditions and what order they go in, I just don't really "GET IT" the way others around me do. I will admit that it is a bit strange and at odds with just about everything I have ever said before. But let me explain.
It's the rituals and the routines, the knowing that this is what is going to happen at this stage and what to expect from the next stage and the rituals and routines involved in it. For me the prayers are just said in an absent minded manner and the words don't really mean that much to me, they just wash over me, as opposed to run through me.
But there is something comforting in the rituals and traditions even for a heathen like me.
The beautiful daughter has decided that she will be returning home. When is to be arranged. I am over the moon about it, I have missed her so very very much.
I am going to buy a 10 x 8 shed and make it into a craft room. Am so excited about this, I will never have to give it up to make room for a returning child, it is to be my summer project.
The swelling in my hands has finally gone down and I can now tentatively start to craft again in another few days, I hope.
We have secured a contract for most of this year, so the worry about meeting bills and where our next meals are coming from is over and Francis is back working hard and refusing to allow me to go back to work, stating that my skills lay else where and that is is time for me to explore them...oh I love that man.
The hated neighbours are so busy with their restaurant that we haven't seen hide nor tail of any of them for weeks now....wish them well every one. Life on the street is so, so, so, so much better.
Callum has been chosen to make a music video for an up and coming young female pop-star, very exciting news that could help him to go further in life, but will certainly help on the old C.V.
Ashley is doing okay on his course, not that he says much. Ashley is a man of few words, although I will say that they are normally worth listening to. But he seems a bit more positive about things and I am hoping that this year willb e better for him.
The diet is going well and I now weigh 12st 12lbs. I am rather amazed at how well it is going. I have never been on a diet before, so the whole thing is new to me.
Actually this isn't even a diet, it's a way to manage the fibromyalgia and it is working on all levels. I never want to be that sick again and will do whatever it takes to make sure that this illness never overwhelms me again. Just wish that my own doctor had worked out what was wrong with me before hand back in 2004/5 when it first started to get bad. But I did learn a lot about myself from the experience
I have just finished reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, if you haven't read it again do your self a favour and read it, it is a small book under 200 pages in fact, but it packs a punch and make you think about your connection to this planet we call home. To get a sense of this book and how amazing it is....it was fist published in 1988, by 1999 when it was translated into English it had sold over 20 million copies, not bad in 10 short years. Click HERE to find out more.
Oh yeah! One last thing......Misty the cat seems to be developing some sort of dementia. It is possible honest they really can develop it. Poor Misty is so very confused and it is getting worse. We love her and will carry-on looking after her, but I am becoming afraid of letting her out the house for fear that she will wander off, forget where she lives and die. Which is what the vet has told us can happen. I am going to get one of those extending dog leads, so if she does go out she won't be able to leave the safety of our garden.
And I think that's about it on the news front.
I'll be back to my mad self in a day or so and don't forget your all invited to our Valentines Day Ball on Sunday.
Much love Lia