As normal I am wishing you all well and hoping you are all okay.
I was doing well today. It started so lovely. I actually got to wake up next to Francis this morning and had a snuggle...just a snuggle..stop it with the muck minds you!!!!! Now waking up next to your beloved is normal for most people , but since Francis went back to work this is not our normal way to wake up. I swear the man is part cat burglar the way he can sneak out in the mornings undetected. Francis says that if I actually went to sleep before 2am, that I would wake up, but as he leaves by 5:30 to 6am every morning I am too unconscious to notice...there he goes with that being right again!!!
And; of course I haven't been sleeping well for a little while, but it comes and goes....the insomnia and I have learnt to live with it by reading or drawing or designing. I use to get up to all sorts in the wee-hours of the night, cleaning, dancing, exercising, paperwork, decorating, baking, bread making and re-arranging the rooms was a big favourite of mine. The kids didn't know for years what they would get up to in the morning. I even use to re-arrange their rooms with them in their beds, then tell them the fairies had done it. That was until one of my brothers, a child psychologist said that it could actually cause them upset and uncertainty and make them feel insecure at night. Years later when they had worked it out and we talked about it one day they all said they had liked it and felt special, as none of their friends had fairies visit them to re-arrange their rooms. I use to do the same with decorating the house at Christmas, when the kids got up it would all be done. They thought it was Santa and the elves.
Any way I don't do much at nights now as Francis has night terrors and finds it a comfort to him when I go to bed when he does and as a result he has less of them, so he actually sleeps well because I'm there....oh the irony!!!
We thought we'd do the weekly food shop...I hate doing on Saturday and would rather go Sundays...in fact I hate having to go out of the house on Saturday..I think it's a Jewish thing, with me as we always stayed at home on Saturdays as a family. So Saturday has always been my Sunday and Sundays are for family time...mind you I feel almost the same way as Sundays as I do Saturdays...but I rather go out on a Sunday.
It's one of those mad things that happen when you are raised in a religion that is from one culture, while being raised in a country with a different culture. For instance, all the women of my family are modest dressers, including the young women and girls. Patricia is a very modest dresser, up to date with fashion, but modest. This was never taught to her, it's what she saw and is normal to her. As a result all her friends wear less than her and show more of themselves and think she is a little odd for being so modest and tell her to show a bit more. To which she says, she is not comfortable with this and that less is not always more.
Here I am waffling again...... how do you all put up with me?
Day was going well, wasn't too happy about food shopping on Saturday but oh well such is life. Bear (the out door cat) arrived for one of his many meals and in the process of taking a tin of cat food of of the tower that is our Callum, we dropped the tin ( I say we as neither of us were really to blame) straight down onto my foot, hitting my second and middle toe.
No SATURDAY in sane shopping for me......RESULT!!!!
Mind you, I must give you a word of warning here. Being hit on the foot with a tin can is not to be done lightly......it hurts....it really hurts, it hurts so much that I actually cried like a little kid, for about 10mins. I couldn't stop crying, it is so darn painful. The toe next to my big toe is almost the same size as the big one, walking is getting better, but I had to hop for a while and have had my foot up nearly all day.
In case actually doing this is a tat too much for you, I have come up with a cheats way to this:-
Using the green and blue shades of your eye make-up palette and throwing in a little purple and dark grey. Use only matt shade, no sparkly shades, no bruise glitters!!! Apply make up to area and work away like an old Master until convincing nasty bruise is obtained. Next hop up and down cursing....you have to throw these in. Cry on cue, if you need help chop an onion to make it look like you had a reason to be in your own kitchen. Try not to speak, but rather making moaning high pitched noises, point at tin then your foot. Do not let any one one get too close to foot, make lots of noises to put them off touching. Come up with a well practised limp as you hobble away to sit down, after all that work you will need to sit down. IMPORTANT NOTE:- remember to place can on floor. Vital evidence. Demand ice pack wrapped in a towel and place on foot, this will hide your handy work and keep it away from preying eyes.
Result.. you get to put your feet up and be pampered all day
Right now all I need to do is get out of Sunday shopping and I am on a roll.
Where would I be if I didn't have you lovely, wonderful and special people to help me out. Along with you and Nutty, I have an answer for Francis.
Okay, we're going to do this. (Be brave Lia, be brave!!!!) I'm going to pack up this house, clean out the cupboards and bury the bad memories in the back garden.
And; while I am at it, I think I will find every Holy man I can find, to bless this house for the next people. As well as wishing them luck with the neighbours. When I really did think of it ( I was up till 5am thinking), even the good neighbours aren't that great. The only thing that makes them good is that they aren't the bad neighbours. But it's not as if we have friends here on the street after being here for 14yrs.
I can't say I have a friend here any more, we did have some wonderful people on this street in our lives, but over the last few years they have all gone. To be replaced with people we are barely on a nodding terms with. Don't get me wrong they are in general nice people, but I have spent more time with you and know you better.
In fact all our friends are spread out around the Country or the World. In 2hrs I could be sitting drinking coffee with Nutty, hardly a million miles away, if I would only leave the house and my fear of what the bad neighbours will get up to while I am gone.
So it's madness to be here! Why am I so attached to the bricks and mortar, they are only the things that hold our roof over our heads. It's not what holds us together as a family. The roof has done a good job of keeping us warm, dry and away from the elements. But I did the hard work of holding the family together.
Everybody told me how brilliant I was, you know raising the kids, going to work and then buying the house.......buying the house.....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That's it I think, everyone telling me what a great achievement it was, for someone like me!
Did they mean because I was a single mum, or because I worked 16 hour days to hold the family together? You know, I think they meant the house! Was it such a big achievement? Was it the biggest achievement of my life? Was I suddenly more smart, clever, witty, stylish, fun to be with Or just plain more NORMAL!
Did it mean to my family that finally, at long last people had something normal to be proud of me for. Some sort of normal bragging rights and I have a very strong feeling that I played my part in all that. I never really wanted to buy the house, I just got caught up in it all. It was cheap because I had been a council tenant for so long. People said I would make loads of money because of the way house prices were rising, well that only works if your going to sell and we all know the market has dropped in the last few years.
Francis says there is nothing in the rule book that says a house HAS TO make a profit and that a house is for living in and mostly being happy with your life within it. Francis is right off course.....darn him for being so mature, forward-thinking and caring!!!!!
We have 18months before Callum leaves the college he is at, that is only a 10minute walk at most right now, so we would have to stay some what near but, as it was pointed out to me, he does have a mother with her own car who can very easily drive him in or pick him up on the days he is early or finishes late.
I live with some very smart people!!!!! I asked the boys about us moving, not bothered and don't care where we live, but do care about you. Were the answers.
In the words of Francis...... "There are better places and better ways to live our lives, than this way!"
Hoping your all well. We are all okay here. I haven't heard from the beautiful daughter, but she must be okay or she'd be on the phone.
The much loved Francis is putting his foot down and firmly, or at least that's what he's telling me. You see he's fed up with living here and has told me that it isn't good for me any more as I seem to have lost my mind some-what.
On further explaining things to me, while placing foot down very firmly, (he'll hurt himself if he keeps it up!) it would appear that he has been quietly keeping an eye on me for some time now. Well...since September it would seem and since one of our cars was damaged and the light, plus camera HAD to be put up.
Apparently, I have lost my creative spark and am spending too much time watching the street or the camera. I also spend way too much time in the house, than is actually healthy for me and I don't want to go out to visit friends, go to see a movie, out for a meal, go away for weekends, or leave the boys alone at home....it's a long list!!!!
Okay so he has a point, I have to concede after a row that he's right. (yes' I told him he's right) I just didn't realise it myself..... I have been making up excuses as to why I don't want to do any of the above mentioned things and more!!!! I just didn't realise it.......
So the cure is to move, according that is, to the oracle that is Francis. I know! I know, he's only looking out for me like a good partner should, but does he have to be so bloody good at it.
My heads a whirl!!! I have lived here since 1996, brought it in 2001, blood sweat and tears went into this house, MINE!!!! Plus the 16 hour working days. Then there's the market and the fact that it needs some work doing on it, it's 3yrs since we decorated not 2 as I thought. I've raised my kids here, we have yo-yo'ed up and down here as a family, but it's been home and life is like that at times.
Do I want to go?????????????? Yeah, but No, but.................. My head is a whirl!!!!!!!!!!
His parting shot was, "There are better places and better ways to live our lives, than this way!"
My heads in a whirl!!!!!!!!
But Francis has a very good point.................
I hope the day finds you and yours well. It's very bright and sunny in London today and I thought that I would go off into Greenwich, take a walk and take some photo's to share with you all. Well that was the plan, it would appear that the car has other ideas and seems to want to spend the day in an entirely different manner.
It might have the flu, I mean it's been so cold out there of late that even I didn't want to venture out till now. It did try to start, but it just coughed and spluttered and died. So Dr Francis will have to look at it when he has the time. Oh well back to the drawing board.
I could in all honesty get the bus into the centre of Greenwich, but I don't do public transport, or as I call it pubic transport....this is because if some mad fanny/penis gets on the bus you can be sure it will sit next to me and annoy the hell out of me all the way. That coupled with having been attacked on a London bus while travelling with my then two small kids and being 7months pregnant with Callum at the time. People did nothing but watch, it was truly frightening. This was a packed bus on a busy route and people just watched while I was attacked and there was no mistaking that I was expecting. As a result I don't like to travel unless it's by car now. Or with people I know. And this from the girl who travelled the World alone most of the time from the age of 16 till 22.
I woke up so hungry this morning. I can not stop eating today. I stuck a huge note on the fridge door that says "EAT SENSIBLE TODAY YOU CRAZY WOMAN". Callum who is on half term holiday from college thinks that I have gone mad and maybe I have, but I know what a hungry day means...it means that I won't bother to think and will just grab the nearest thing that looks remotely edible and I don't want to undo all the work I have already put into myself.
Did I tell you that I had found a whole wardrobe full of new clothes, well I did. Turns out to be my old wardrobe full of clothes that I haven't worn in about two years!!!!! How great is that, I swear I thought I had opened my own boutique when I opened the wardrobe and discovered clothes that fit me again or will do very soon. What a result. Now I really am not into fashion as such. I like what I like and wear what I am comfortable in.
My mother who was a Chanel, Dior, French couture glamour queen, once described my fashion style as "Rag dolly Anna, meets the circus, falls in love with cocco the clown and gets dressed in the dark, eventually grows up and becomes a colour blind hippy" Sarah Jessica Parker eat your heart out, I was ahead of my time. My daughter the beautiful Patricia, has inherited a combination of me and my mothers fashion sense. Basically she is very glamorous, beautifully groomed and marries fashion with her own sense of self and isn't afraid to try something different to her friends. I recently made her a tutu and she puts it with her rock chic look. Fantastic. She is so adventurous and such great fun to shop for or dress..I never played with dolls as a child and now I have my own dolly Anna to play dress up with.
Patricia is a tiny girl with a great figure and is one of those women that would make a black bin bag look like French couture. One of the best things I ever had to teach her was how to walk in high heels. Surely every girls right of passage towards womanhood. I started her off in a very small kitten heel, which was apt in away as my own personal name for her is Kitten. We had such a lot of fun that day and now she can happily walk, run and dance in 3in heels, just like her mother and grandmother.
Oh well that's it for me today, am off to raid the kitchen...for healthy stuff, I can read, I know what the note says.........
Much love Lia xx
Ps I called this post" just stuff in my head" as I couldn't think of a title for it, anyone else ever struggle to know what to title to write or is it just that the madness in my head has no name lol.
I'm so glad you all had a good time at our Valentines Ball, it was a lot of fun getting it ready, but off course due to the fact that you all like my dos and carry-ons I will have to come up with something even better next time round, or you might all stop coming. I can already here the cogs in my brain doing overtime.
I had an interesting conversation today. It would appear that I am not in fact Jewish after all. Well this is according to my friend, who is under the misconception that in order for me to be Jewish I must talk, walk, dress and act in a certain manner which can only be described as a comedy act.
I'm also not funny or neurotic like Woody "bloody"Allen and I can't sing like Barbara Streisand. Couple that with an ambivalent relationship with God and you get me...apparently.
I was going to explain to her that as my Mother was Jewish, as was my Father, but more importantly my Mother, that in itself makes me Jewish. The fact that I was raised in a large Jewish family made me Jewish, the fact that my whole culture is Jewish and that my whole being meant that I was Jewish. My morals, principles and beliefs were strongly reinforced by my Jewish upbringing. Yes! I know I am not so good on the God stuff...I don't see it as a failing in my Jewishness. All my little idiosyncrasy make me Jewish, the way I run my house and my kitchen, darn it even my bloody fridge is laid out in a Jewish fashion. Then there is the way I pack a shopping bag, never raw meat and dairy in the same bag. Right down to the way I raised the kids.
But in all honesty I had to pity her, after all if I wanted to have a conversation with an IQ that low, I'd be in the supermarket talking to the cabbages. I have never once said that I was good at being Jewish. What I will stand by is the fact, that I am what I am and I won't apologise to anyone for being me and being proud to come from a Jewish heritage.
I'm sure God will deal with me as he or she sees fit, come the time. When God asks me the question "What exactly were you playing at down there?" I shall look God straight in the eye and say "I was doing the best I could do with the circumstance you gave me to deal with" One of us will get a shock and I can't say right now which one of us it will be. Me for suddenly realising there was a God all along OR God for realising that he/she has a challenge on their hands.
I shall not be phoning her again in a hurry, not that I phoned her. She the Catholic girl phoned me to say that she was cheating on her husband and would I cover her sorry backside for her this coming weekend by saying she was here in London with me.
No! I bloody well will not!!!!!
There are a lot of things I will do for my friends. Phone me at 4am and I will be there for you. When you are suffering and in pain, I will try comfort you. Find yourself homeless and I will put a roof over your head. When your car breaks down, I will drive you places you need to be. Realise that you need a break and I will try to take the pressure of you and have your kids. When you have no food, I will share mine with you. If you are sad, I will cry with you. I will celebrate with you. Watch Rom-Coms and pointless soaps with you. If you ask me a question I will answer honestly. Cry with you. Mourn with you and help you through all the stages. I will shop, laugh, sometimes get drunk, drink coffee and put the World to rights with you. Listen to you while you moan about your boyfriend, partner, husband, kids, sisters, brothers etc. etc....even if you moan to me about your mum, although this is hard for me as I would love to have my mum alive to annoy me. Dance around your lounge and sing off key like a teenager, just a laugh with you. I will be there for you to talk over your problems and worries and try to help you find a way through it all. I will even back you up about the price of those shoes or that dress you have marked down by at lest 25%, when your significant other asks the price.
But I will not cover up your infidelities and if for some twisted reason that makes me NOT Jewish, well good, frankly because I wouldn't want to shame my self, let alone my Jewishness.
I don't hold with infidelity, never have and never will. I don't judge people who commit infidelity, if it floats their boat so be it. However I won't cover up for any one who does and that would include my own family. I have been known to see it going on and tell people to get it together and sort out their mess, but I will not hide it for anyone. If my friends man was up to no good, I won't tell her, but I would tell him that I know and that if she asks me directly, if he was having an affair, I wouldn't lie to her for him. That my loyalty lies with my friend and not him, simply because she is my friend. But I won't be the one to break her heart unless she asks me directly. No one needs me to do that for them when their partner is about to do it so much more effectively and anyway even if I do tell them it then gives the guilty party chance to cover their tracks and carry on as if it's normal. Why would I want to do that, she my friend.
Infidelity is a mean, selfish and nasty thing to do. Lie builds, upon lie. For me it wouldn't be the fact that my partner is having sex with some one else that would hurt, but rather the lies, upon lies he told me in order to get that sex with some one else that would rip me apart or that my own friends helped with the lies. Why the hell would I want to be involved in that?
You'd think after 12yrs of friendship she would have known my answer, after all this is not her first affair or the first time she has asked me to cover for her. One of us clearly doesn't know the other one very well. Time to review that friendship I think, after all I haven't heard from her for 6months, funny the same length of time she has been having an affair.