The Mad Rambling of a Hot Hormonal Forty Something.
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Sunday, 20 June 2010
Boo!!!!! Tiggers Back.
Bet you all thought that I had dropped of the face of the Earth. Ok! Ok! I'll give you the fact that I did for a while there and I guess I really do owe you all an explanation for my long absence.
I did decide to take a bit of time away from blogging, as I felt that I was going a bit stale and was in danger of boring you all to sleep or worse. I had some articles that I was going to write up for you all and then take a month off. In the hope that I would come back all bright and sparkly again. Got a bit more than I bargained for.
I woke up one morning swollen and puffed up and with symptoms of a serious hang over...which is all well and good if you drink, but I don't. I was also a grey colour and felt very very weak. I had been feeling a little unwell for a few days, but nothing like before, so had put it down to maybe over doing it in the gym. Then I got sick for a week or so and then I got really ill, which made me depressed a bit and all I really wanted to do was pull the covers up over my head and lie down for a very very long time.
Having done so well to get better and to find my life back in my hands again, it came as a total shock to find that I couldn't even get my head off the pillow and that I was now having to add chronic fatigue to the list of things fibromyalgia has given me to deal with.
Now I will admit that I was bloody totally miserable and felt that I had worked so hard to get better that this was undeserved and so I definitely wallowed in self pity, not that I really knew that I was doing so at the time. That took me a little longer to work out...gosh I am silly at times.
I did learn that wallowing around in self pity wasn't actually going to make me one tiny bit better and that in fact I had helped myself into misery faster than the fibromyalgia was going to let me out of it. They say that misery likes company, I would like to add that misery very much enjoys the company of fibromyalgia and in fact they actually became very good friends, went on holiday together and have now moved into a flat, set up home and brought a dog.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously that's how well they got along.
Sooner or later I had to come back to my senses and stop being a baby about it all. As you know by now I don't really want to let this stupid fibromyalgia beat me and in general like to give it a run for it's money. I think I got complacent with it. I had done really well and really did think this was going to be as easy as the England football team in the World cup to beat, but it appears that fibromyalgia is a World cup champ at this game and it cheats as the lines men and referee seem to be on it's side.
I have been up and about now for about ten days now and can honestly say that I am almost back to normal, unsure what normal is any more, but I am more myself than I have been. So I would say I am as normal as I can expect to be.
My fighting spirit has been restored and I now realise that taking my eye off the ball and not keeping my head in the game is not something I have any desire to repeat. I have an action plan now, basically I am going to take a big bat and beat the hell out of this illness at every possible turn. I have worked out that keeping a diary of events and foods and rest is going to be a good idea.
I'm not now, never have been and most certainly will never be a girl who has a routine, which is by all accounts exactly what I am suppose to have in order to stay on top of it. I'd go mad if I had to do the same thing every day for the rest of my life, it's so not me. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl.
Anyway I'm back and fighting on. Misery and fibromyalgia can carry-on living happily together, but threes a crowd and I have no intention of moving in with them again.
I have missed you and thought about you all and thank you for the e-mails which I found a few days ago, along with all your concerned comments on my last post. I'm truly sorry to have worried you all and to be honest I really should have been more considerate of you all and your feelings towards me. I have no excuse as I said I was busy wallowing in self pity, not a pretty thing to do and certainly not a considerate thing to do. I can only apologise and promise to not do it again.
Much love to you all and I look forward to catching up with you all