I try hard to be a good friend and a nice person, to be dependable and reliable for my friends, but sometimes, just sometimes I do wonder why I bother to try and make friends.
I actually have friendships that are over twenty years old and am aware that in order for a friendship to flourish you have to both work for it. I'm not saying work hard, just that you both have to put in the time and a bit of effort. But I do feel that basically this is the same for any relationship.
Anyway, just over a year ago, I met a woman that I really liked and thought that she would become a good friend. We spent alot of time together, crafted together, went places together.
I thought I had made a good choice, she brought much to my life and we laughed alot.
However a few months ago something shifted, I couldn't put mt finger on it, but i know there was a shift. I asked what was wrong, nothing she replied, everything's *fine*.
FINE, the cover all word, while the real meaning is buried. I hate the response fine. It's what teenagers say, in that sulky go away leave me alone, you don't understand me, you never listen, etc, etc, etc. It's such an infantile response.
We were at that time building a web-site together in order to sell the crafts that we had been making, mostly due to the fact that they are taking over my house. I had left the actual designing of the web to her, as she said that it was an easy programme, that she had built web-sites before, so knew exactly what to do. Meanwhile, I got on with the photography, opening an e-bay shop, an etsy shop and 3 blogs, one each and one for the business, while also taking on all the research and crafting and networking: while also trying to get a craft stall. Like I said I did notice a shift, but was too busy to really deal with it.
I was up to date with all that we had agreed I would carry out, yet there was no sign of a web site, I asked, it's FINE. Weeks went by, still no site, still I'm fine.
In the end, I brought a programme and tried to make a site, clearly not my strong point and it's been a struggle.(But that's another post)
I told my friend what I had done and that I had done it to take the pressure off her.
This did not go down at all well, I was pushing her out, I was taking over, I didn't want to work with her, oh my gosh, the list went on and on.
I tried to explain, that I have a family and was use to earning my own money and being self motivated, that my saving were running out and things needed to be moved forward or it would really affect my family.
It was at this time that I found out what a nut case this woman truly is.
I have been overwhelmed with the amount of e-mails, text and msn messages( so much so that I have had to appear off line in order to use my msn account) that I have received from her, all telling me how horrid I am, how I have destroyed her trust and ruined her life, how she can never again make friends with anyone 'cos of the things I have done to her.
I'm not saying that I am perfect in all this, I have rowed back and defended myself, but this has been a total onslaught of my character.
Tonight her husband came to call, we chatted for a long time and it turns out that she has untreated mental health issues, I won't go into the reasons why she is untreated, it really isn't for me to tell you. He went over why his wife had done what she did, saying that it was mostly me and my fault. Then Frances came home from work and said a few things that made the husband think a bit more and Frances talked to him about the e-mails I had got from her and he began to see that it wasn't all in fact down to me and that his wife had been a big player in it all.
The husband would like us to all remain friends, but while I don't want to be mean, I can't help thinking that I would rather walk away from this and chalk it up to an experience, while trying to learn something about myself from all this. I feel as though I have been thrown back into the play ground with all the petty nonsense that has come my way. I have spoken at length about this whole episode with a very frank and forth right friend, who never pulls her punches with me and will always bring me down a peg or two should I need a telling.
My friend has told me to walk away as she has noticed how all this has effected me and I know there will be other friends that would tell me the same, I can at this stage only guess what my sister will have to say about this latest twist.
I guess the best thing I can do is sleep on it and then talk to my sister E and best friend Nutty.
I have a feeling I know exactly what they will say!!!
I do know one thing and that's, that over the years, I have had a few fights with friends and my adopted sister and I fight loads at times, but never once has anyone made me feel so low and I really know that my self esteem has taken a knock.
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