The Mad Rambling of a Hot Hormonal Forty Something.
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Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Not much to say today. Due to the fact that I have spent most of the day sleeping. I got up early, but soon found that the day was going to be too much for me to cope with. So taking the good advice I have been given about this stupid illness of mine, I retreated to my bed chamber. Where I watched day time T.V and fell asleep.
Francis (with an i) got home about 5ish and said he'd do dinner. So the men had burgers and chips, "Man food" according to them, that and it's about all they could be bothered with. A vegetable won't pass their lips if I totally left them to get their own dinners. Unless you count tomato ketchup as a vegetable, which they do and remind them that no one likes a smart a??? I also like to remind them that tomato is actually a fruit!!!!!!
It's weird this going to bed during the day, but I have been warned to listen to my body and do what it needs, so I'm going too.
I can't do ill, that's for sick people. But then I am sick, just don't want to be. The specialist told me that I need to give myself permission to be sick and that it's not a race I can win, but that I'm not a loser if I just lay down for a while. She believes that the fact, that I have worked so hard and not let my body rest when ill for all those years is the reason I have Fibromyalgia.
Okay so I get that, but I had 3 kids to rear and that means money. I can't do social security. I'll be darned if I'll go there. Besides what was I meant to do. Sit at home, have nothing, never show the kids a better way of life and that if you want something you work for it. That wasn't an option as far as I was concerned. Besides being self employed, while it had it's compensations, it also meant no work, no money, again not an option with a one wage family. It's not as though I coulds pay myself sick pay.
Maybe I did work myself into this illness, but I'm not going to walk away from this easily unless I do what needs to be done. I always thought hard work never killed anyone, but it sure as hell can make you ill. It drives me mad that so many (normally) fathers get to walk away scott free. I have never had a penny for the kids from their father and despite the authorities trying to find him to make him pay up and do his duty by his off spring, kids he also wanted, he managed to shake them off and disappear to Spain. An E.U country that the authorities said they couldn't track him down in, although we gave them his new name and address.
So really while it was fine in many ways for the specialist to sit there and say I had almost brought this upon myself I'm really not sure what else I would have done differently OR for that matter that I would have wanted too.
So from here on in my job is to get as well as I can and do the best I can, even if that means sleeping all day sometimes. Tomorrow is another day.
And as my friend Shaddy pointed out on her blog Here there's no point in sweating the small stuff. I really don't have to now that the kids are grown, one has left the nest and the beautiful one with an i, is in my life. Besides I want to be well for Christmas.
EDIT:- did I say I didn't have much to say!!!!!!!! clearly I was wrong??????